This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
