I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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