So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
