Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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