You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You need a sexual gate keeper
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
