Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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