I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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