Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
