Porn is love you can see.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
