Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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