Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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