Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
