for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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