I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
