and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
