Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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