She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
