the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
