HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My ass is underappreciated
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
