YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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