I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize