Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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