PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
