you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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