Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
