How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
