Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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