She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
