Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
