if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
