omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
