look no pants
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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