i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
