so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
