Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
