Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
