Pants 0. Shit 1.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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