i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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