i can't believe i had my finger in that
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
