I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
