Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you would pick up someone in the library
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
