Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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