My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
