That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
