I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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