I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
