As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
