i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
