I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
