i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
