Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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