I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
