I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
