I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
