she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
