Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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