The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize