Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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