I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
