I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I could make wine with my vomit
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize