There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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