I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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