Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out

(574): View more from Indiana

You never cease to amaze me.

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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself

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(205): View more from Alabama

She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...

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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand

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(313): View more from Michigan

YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Where do you think black out memories go?

(216): View more from Ohio

Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.

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