i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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