she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
