We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
