My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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