put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
