...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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