if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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