Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
