yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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