i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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