At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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