Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
