I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
