im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
