Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
